Official Off Topic Discussion Thread #1

DawnMichele

Goliath Tigerfish
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Jun 16, 2010
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Omg my ex's new girlfriend is really driving me up the wall. Not because she's with my ex, but because she's started playing dictator with all our pets.

All of my fish minus my GT and pleco are all crammed into the 5' tank (this includes my goldfish!), all of the dollars have died because her kids wouldn't stop smashing the glass and one by one they hit the glass too hard and died.

Her stupid mutt dogs are now in his back yard and my cats are too scared to use their pen because the dumb dogs bark at them non stop while they're in there.

Oh, and did I mention that my fish get one 90% WC a month now instead of the weekly ones they were getting? Because one of her kids has cerebral palsy so they don't have time for proper tank maintenance - fair enough.. But do you think they'll let me go around weekly to do water changes? Of course not. They'd rather my babies swim around in their own urine and fecal matter than have me in their home for half an hour a week.
I'm not allowed to see my cats or my fish because she's worried he'll want me back if I'm there for too long (not that I'd ever have him back but there's no convincing her of that) but the idiot still wants me to foot half of their food/water and vet bills - I happily give half of the vet and food bills and was happily giving half of the water bill until he told me that he only does WC's once a month - but ain't no way I'm going halves in the water bill when they change 800ltrs of tank water a month but use that every second day while bathing her kids - I am not paying for her kids baths!

When he told me that he had a new woman I was like "hell yeah, now I can get on with my life and not have a jealous ex!" but now I realize that I'd take a jealous ex over what's happening with my babies any day. Its got me so upset that I haven't been sleeping properly, I'm tired but every time I almost go to sleep I start thinking about my babies and how terrible their lives must be right now and I wake right back up. :(
You gotta LOVE the ex's!!! Can't you go get your pet's?
 

skjl47

Goliath Tigerfish
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When he told me that he had a new woman I was like "hell yeah, now I can get on with my life and not have a jealous ex!" but now I realize that I'd take a jealous ex over what's happening with my babies any day. Its got me so upset that I haven't been sleeping properly, I'm tired but every time I almost go to sleep I start thinking about my babies and how terrible their lives must be right now and I wake right back up. :(
Kittiee, if you can't house the fish at present, maybe you can find someone to buy/rescue them.
Hello; Bear with me on this because I am pretty sure it is something you do not want to consider. When you left and could not take the fish with you that was a defining moment. One because you had to leave and also because they were left with an EX.

Another defining moment is the new woman. Does not matter that you have no interest at all in him she wants all traces of you gone. She may actually care for the fish but that they are associated with you is enough. Example; I married a second wife who found some photos in a box of my first wife. That I had been divorced from #1 for over three years and never cared to see her again did not matter. #2 destroyed the photos and then had the gall to give an apology. The apology was fake.

Here is the part you will not care for. If you cannot take in the fish then it is time to let them go. May be with you completely out of the picture they might (slim chance but possible) get better care. Even if you do not step away the fish appear to be doomed with things as they are. She may not do an overt act but with the help of "her " kids and the built in excuses that follow the fish will suffer.

While I generally do not agree with Ulu much, I do on this. Try to get the fish away to a rescue of new home.

Good luck but a tough situation. I do not see how you can prevail.
 

Kittiee Katt

Potamotrygon
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Kittiee, if you can't house the fish at present, maybe you can find someone to buy/rescue them.
Unfortunately all of our pets were exactly that, ours. So I can't sell or rehome them without his say so and she wouldn't give me the pleasure of seeing my babies be happy. Fun fact to the story, she was actually my best friend for 10 years, go figure.

You gotta LOVE the ex's!!! Can't you go get your pet's?
Unfortunately not. I'm about three weeks away from being homeless because of this stupid real estate so I can't go get them because I have no one to look after them when the house sells. :(
Hello; Bear with me on this because I am pretty sure it is something you do not want to consider. When you left and could not take the fish with you that was a defining moment. One because you had to leave and also because they were left with an EX.

Another defining moment is the new woman. Does not matter that you have no interest at all in him she wants all traces of you gone. She may actually care for the fish but that they are associated with you is enough. Example; I married a second wife who found some photos in a box of my first wife. That I had been divorced from #1 for over three years and never cared to see her again did not matter. #2 destroyed the photos and then had the gall to give an apology. The apology was fake.

Here is the part you will not care for. If you cannot take in the fish then it is time to let them go. May be with you completely out of the picture they might (slim chance but possible) get better care. Even if you do not step away the fish appear to be doomed with things as they are. She may not do an overt act but with the help of "her " kids and the built in excuses that follow the fish will suffer.

While I generally do not agree with Ulu much, I do on this. Try to get the fish away to a rescue of new home.

Good luck but a tough situation. I do not see how you can prevail.
Thank you.. But see above post to Ulu as to why I can't rehome them.

She's driving me nuts to the point where I'm starting to think really horrible thoughts about her and I don't want to. I want to respect the decade of friendship we shared but the more she messes with my babies the more I want to smash her car windows out so that she can't drive her babies anywhere and has to get the bus with them. I won't obviously but damn its tempting...
 

Ulu

Potamotrygon
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A sad situation Kittiee, but, Do not go to jail over fish!

Nor nuthin' else if you can manage it.

Get your Zen hat on and put all this in the rearview mirror.

There will be more fish and more life and better of both, and it starts the moment you let go of this albatross they have shackled you with.
 

Kittiee Katt

Potamotrygon
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A sad situation Kittiee, but, Do not go to jail over fish!

Nor nuthin' else if you can manage it.

Get your Zen hat on and put all this in the rearview mirror.

There will be more fish and more life and better of both, and it starts the moment you let go of this albatross they have shackled you with.
I'm not going to jail if I can help it hahaha

I guess its just bothering me that they won't let me help and would rather living things to suffer. I've even offered to pay someone to do tank maintenance and that then I'd go halves in the water bill but I got a smart response about just paying the water bill instead and not bothering with a maintenance guy because they don't want someone they don't know in their house. Everything I offer gets thrown in my face. :wall:

I can't just walk away. Three of my cats I've had since I was a teenager, Fey turns 10 this year and I can't just let them live a substandard life. :(

Idk, I guess I'm just feeling helpless about the whole scenario and needed to vent..
 

Ulu

Potamotrygon
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Kittiee! Ooooooh . . . this is going to be hard to read girl. Both of my daughters have been divorced so I have had to say this before.

You are being held hostage.
It is totally immoral.

They enjoy seeing you suffer. You're allowing them to torture you, and they can only do it because you care so much. If you feel that not caring makes you a bad person that is their weapon against you.

You have to separate human needs from animals in this case to decide what is finally and ultimately important: and that is YOUR mental and physical health.

There are a million fish in the ocean and a million cats on the shore and there's just one of you. Once you get this picture clear in your head you will know who to take care of and who to leave behind.

Only humans are humans.
Pets are not, even though they seem to be more worthy than Some Humans you know.

I suggest you go for about thirty days and put them completely out of your sights and your mind. Wait for things to get good and stinky. Then call child protective services and tell them that these people are not keeping a sanitary home for their children.

Remember that the pets are just animals but those children are humans. You may not like them, but they do not deserve to be abused or taught animal abuse.
 
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skjl47

Goliath Tigerfish
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I can't just walk away. Three of my cats I've had since I was a teenager, Fey turns 10 this year and I can't just let them live a substandard life. :(
Hello; I am 71 years old. I started keeping fish when about 11or 12. So far every single fish I ever kept is dead except for the few I currently have. Some things are out of your control and this pretty much is. Not any legal solutions I can see. You are not in financial shape to buy a way out.
I get that you are very upset and do not want to walk away. I do hope some reasonable solution happens but based on your reports do not see it. There is no moral judgement against you for the condition of the fish and it sounds you have tried to work things out.
I wish you well.
 
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PYRU

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Kittiee Katt Kittiee Katt
Hard truth. You may consider those mutual pets, but if they're not in your possession then they're his. Its out of you're control. Your doing the best you can but that's all you can do.

Life is harsh. Can you donate them anywhere?

Sorry you're going through all this. Keep your head up. When going thru hell act you own the place. Itll get better keep faith
 

Ulu

Potamotrygon
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This is awful, but it's not something to make yourself crazy about.
I think the first victim of divorce is sanity.
Hold on tight to that.
 
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