Official Off Topic Discussion Thread #1

[Kittiee Katt]

Kittiee! Ooooooh . . . this is going to be hard to read girl. Both of my daughters have been divorced so I have had to say this before.

You are being held hostage.
It is totally immoral.

They enjoy seeing you suffer. You're allowing them to torture you, and they can only do it because you care so much. If you feel that not caring makes you a bad person that is their weapon against you.

You have to separate human needs from animals in this case to decide what is finally and ultimately important: and that is YOUR mental and physical health.

There are a million fish in the ocean and a million cats on the shore and there's just one of you. Once you get this picture clear in your head you will know who to take care of and who to leave behind.

Only humans are humans.
Pets are not, even though they seem to be more worthy than Some Humans you know.

I suggest you go for about thirty days and put them completely out of your sights and your mind. Wait for things to get good and stinky. Then call child protective services and tell them that these people are not keeping a sanitary home for their children.

Remember that the pets are just animals but those children are humans. You may not like them, but they do not deserve to be abused or taught animal abuse.

Honestly I can't say she's a bad parent. The kids are fed and clothed, the house is tidy and warm, she spends time with both of them and teaches them as much as they're willing to/capable of learning. Aside from not caring for mine/my ex's fish properly (and imo the cats as well but that's debatable as I bet most would disagree with me about it) there's nothing really wrong with how the house and kids are kept.

I know they're only doing it because they know I'm losing sleep over it, but that doesn't help at all..
But I do see what you're saying "put it behind me and move on" I'm just not sure I can put that into practice too well lol

Hello; I am 71 years old. I started keeping fish when about 11or 12. So far every single fish I ever kept is dead except for the few I currently have. Some things are out of your control and this pretty much is. Not any legal solutions I can see. You are not in financial shape to buy a way out.
I get that you are very upset and do not want to walk away. I do hope some reasonable solution happens but based on your reports do not see it. There is no moral judgement against you for the condition of the fish and it sounds you have tried to work things out.
I wish you well.

Thanks, I also hope a reasonable solution shows up hahaha

I can accept that my pets are going to pass someday, but I'd rather they not pass prematurely if I can help it and that's what's bothering me - I can help it but they won't let me.

In a perfect world I'd get another house the day I'm due to move out of this one, I could offer them what I've saved since I got my job to "buy" my pets back from them and we'd all live happily ever after... But this isn't a perfect world so I just hope I'm not like for too long.

Kittiee Katt
Hard truth. You may consider those mutual pets, but if they're not in your possession then they're his. Its out of you're control. Your doing the best you can but that's all you can do.

Life is harsh. Can you donate them anywhere?

Sorry you're going through all this. Keep your head up. When going thru hell act you own the place. Itll get better keep faith

Don't be sorry, you're not my ex or his gf... Are you?

I feel like as long as I'm footing half of the food/vet bills (one of the cats sees the vet every couple of months @$75aud per checkup because he's special needs) they're at least somewhat mine as well. I pay it all by bank transfer so I have a record of me paying for them. Not sure if it'd hold up in a legal argument but in my head that gives me at least part ownership.

Unfortunately I can't donate them anywhere without my ex agreeing to it which won't happen, if for no other reason than to spite me.

I'm trying to keep my chin up, but they're driving me up the wall with their bullshnit.

 

[celebrist]

best revenge is a good life, focus on moving forward in yours

 

[Kittiee Katt]

best revenge is a good life, focus on moving forward in yours

Believe it or not I was doing really well with that before they started dictating crap hahaha. I'd stopped relying on my ex, I'd gotten a job, started sorting out my mental health, saved a nice chunk of money considering my income, made some new friends, started going out and actually doing stuff... Then this started and now I feel like I'm back in square one.

I am trying to sort my life out to the best of my abilities and not let others get me down, but I love my pets to bits.
They're the things I'm most passionate about in life and keeping them safe and healthy is what kept me going through the rough times. When I was feeling down I'd do a WC or play with one or more of my cats and it almost always made me feel better.

I plan to enjoy my life, but I hate how my babies are being forced to live and it will definitely take time to move past it.

 

[Ulu]

They want to hurt you Kittiee.
Regardless of past history, that is a fact now.

Their weapon is in your head. (pets=babies)


Babies are babies.
Cats are cats.
Fish are fish.

The sentiment is common to us all.
But Fishkeeping is a science.

Are you a scientist or a sentimentalist?

 

[Ogertron3000]

Believe it or not I was doing really well with that before they started dictating crap hahaha. I'd stopped relying on my ex, I'd gotten a job, started sorting out my mental health, saved a nice chunk of money considering my income, made some new friends, started going out and actually doing stuff... Then this started and now I feel like I'm back in square one.

I am trying to sort my life out to the best of my abilities and not let others get me down, but I love my pets to bits.
They're the things I'm most passionate about in life and keeping them safe and healthy is what kept me going through the rough times. When I was feeling down I'd do a WC or play with one or more of my cats and it almost always made me feel better.

I plan to enjoy my life, but I hate how my babies are being forced to live and it will definitely take time to move past it.

Sorry to see you going through such a crap situation, the only advice I have is to say focus on your own health/wellbeing and focus on finding a new place to live, I hear the tassie rental market is nuts these days so good luck. Once you get a new place sorted you can look at getting the pets back. You can't look after anything else if you aren't sorted yourself.
Sorry I don't have more practical advice but genuinely hope you get through this dodgy phase as quickly and painlessly as possible.

 

[Ulu]

. . . Everything I offer gets thrown in my face. . . .

OK I'm gonna go all Dr Phil here one more time. . . .

You must stop helping them.

You might look to revenge here, as most folk would. You might find a lawyer to sue them for mental cruelty.
And cruelty is evidently in their nature. You might even prove it to a judge, with some effort. It sounds possible.

Don't we already know they will kill those fish with neglect, rather than let you save them, just to hurt you?

Aren't these people gaslighting you?

It's a very common form of inhuman torture. (We all learned to do it by watching TV, and mostly don't even realize we do.)

Those pets are dangled because they know you are already hooked by your humanity.
Then, when the fish are dying and you are crying they will make you blame yourself for it all!
They know they can, because they see by your selfless act of caring that you already do.

That's how gaslighting works.
They use humanity against the humane. Love against the unloved. Confusion against the confused. Illness against the unwell.

OK . . .

So you can't change what anyone has done, and you probably can't save the pets, but you can still rob the torturers of any further glory and joy from torturing you. (Or continue to make them happy by squirming on this hook you are pierced with.)

I would leave and make sure I never heard of them again.

This will all start healing as soon as you stop helping them hurt you.

 

[Ulu]

BTW I just watched Scott Adams and he claimed gaslighting is fiction.

IMO it's already been accomplished here.

. . . my best friend . . . driving me nuts...

 

[Kittiee Katt]

They want to hurt you Kittiee.
Regardless of past history, that is a fact now.

Their weapon is in your head. (pets=babies)


Babies are babies.
Cats are cats.
Fish are fish.

The sentiment is common to us all.
But Fishkeeping is a science.

Are you a scientist or a sentimentalist?

Well I'm not very bright so I'm gonna say I'm a sentimentalist who pretends to be a scientist lol

Sorry to see you going through such a crap situation, the only advice I have is to say focus on your own health/wellbeing and focus on finding a new place to live, I hear the tassie rental market is nuts these days so good luck. Once you get a new place sorted you can look at getting the pets back. You can't look after anything else if you aren't sorted yourself.
Sorry I don't have more practical advice but genuinely hope you get through this dodgy phase as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Nuts isn't the word. The chances of getting a rental down here on less than 80k a year are pretty much non existent which is stupid because if you're on 80k a year you should be able to afford a bloody mortgage..

OK I'm gonna go all Dr Phil here one more time. . . .

You must stop helping them.

You might look to revenge here, as most folk would. You might find a lawyer to sue them for mental cruelty.
And cruelty is evidently in their nature. You might even prove it to a judge, with some effort. It sounds possible.

Don't we already know they will kill those fish with neglect, rather than let you save them, just to hurt you?

Aren't these people gaslighting you?

It's a very common form of inhuman torture. (We all learned to do it by watching TV, and mostly don't even realize we do.)

Those pets are dangled because they know you are already hooked by your humanity.
Then, when the fish are dying and you are crying they will make you blame yourself for it all!
They know they can, because they see by your selfless act of caring that you already do.

That's how gaslighting works.
They use humanity against the humane. Love against the unloved. Confusion against the confused. Illness against the unwell.

OK . . .

So you can't change what anyone has done, and you probably can't save the pets, but you can still rob the torturers of any further glory and joy from torturing you. (Or continue to make them happy by squirming on this hook you are pierced with.)

I would leave and make sure I never heard of them again.

This will all start healing as soon as you stop helping them hurt you.

I understand where you're coming from but I have very different views. I respect your opinions but I don't agree with them.

I wanted the cats.
The only reason they came into our lives is because of me.
I believe that when adopting an animal you accept responsibility for that animal for the rest of its life, and my cats are 9½, 9, 8 and 2½ which means I have a minimum of 10 years and anywhere up to 30 years (but more reasonably 20) of responsibility left. All of my fish are under 10 so again many years of responsibility left on my part.

I don't understand how people can accept responsibility for something and then just throw it to the curb when life gets hard. Life isn't easy, its not supposed to be, if everyone ditched their responsibilities because things got tough then nothing would get done..

Out of curiosity (please don't think I'm being rude because that's not my intention), if it was my work colleagues treating me like this would you recommend I quit my job and never look back? Keep in mind that there isn't enough jobs in Australia for the amount of people that want to work, let alone entry level jobs that I'm actually capable of doing.

 

[skjl47]

I don't understand how people can accept responsibility for something and then just throw it to the curb when life gets hard. Life isn't easy, its not supposed to be, if everyone ditched their responsibilities because things got tough then nothing would get done..

Hello; I get you are responding to someone else's comment but let me chime in. I am not and I do not think most others are suggesting you walk away only because things get tough. My take is you are not in a position to actually do anything at all about the situation. Walking away when you do not have any viable options is not the same as throwing an animal you are responsible for to the curb.
If I have missed some important points then I am wrong, but my take is you could not take in the animals right now even if the X-boyfriend was willing to give then to you????

if it was my work colleagues treating me like this would you recommend I quit my job and never look back?

Hello; Not the same sort of thing to my thinking. I had to take numerous insults and unpleasant situations during my work career. I recall writing a letter asking I be posted to a school closer to my home if a position opened up. I was sent to a school even further away due to a local political fight I had nothing to do with. When I asked for a meeting with the superintendent of schools she told me teachers were a dime a dozen so take it or leave it. I took it as I needed the job.

Hello; I want to be on your side and am not your enemy. I just do not see how you have much choice.

 

[Ulu]

Well I'm not very bright so I'm gonna say I'm a sentimentalist who pretends to be a scientist lol

Being a scientist is a state of mind where you seek understanding, employ reason, accept facts, reject suspicion, and always view your conclusions as unguaranteed without corroboration of other scientists.

If you follow those rules, you are a scientist.

Nuts isn't the word. The chances of getting a rental down here on less than 80k a year are pretty much non existent which is stupid because if you're on 80k a year you should be able to afford a bloody mortgage..

I don't know what the markets are like in the Land of Oz. I suspect that they will improve as the American markets continue to improve and the civilized world follows.

I wish you well on that.

when adopting an animal you accept responsibility for that animal . . . if everyone ditched their responsibilities because things got tough then nothing would get done..

Why do you believe you are abandoning the animals, when it seems they are being withheld, even stolen? Perhaps I misunderstand the situation. Are they expecting you to retrieve all these animals at a future date?

. . . if it was my work colleagues treating me like this would you recommend I quit my job and never look back? . . .

That's a difficult question to answer. It would depend on many things including some you mentioned and some you didn't.

I have had over a dozen different jobs in my life. It was rarely an easy choice to change jobs ( . . . and often it was not my choice. I have been fired more than once.)
But sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on.

If Australia is like the United States, jobs which pay enough to live on are difficult to find in areas where there are too many people.

But people crowd those areas because the best paying jobs are there and everyone knows it.

It's a trap.